================= SHIT HAPPENS =====================
(As Interpreted by Various Religions)
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
TAOISM Shit Happens
CONFUCIANISM Confucius Say, "Shit Happens"
BUDDHISM If Shit Happens, it Really Isn't Shit
ZEN BUDDHISM What is the sound of Shit Happening?
HINDUISM This Shit Happened Before!
ISLAM If Shit Happens, It is the Will of Allah.
PROTESTANTISM Let Shit Happen to Somebody Else.
CATHOLICISM If Shit Happens, You Deserve It.
JUDAISM Why does Shit always happen to US?
CALVINISM Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
7th DAY ADVENTISM No shit on Saturdays.
HEDONISM There's nothing like a good shit happening.
MORMONISM This shit is goung to happen.
MOONIES Only happy shit really happens.
HARE KRISHNA Shit happens, rama, rama.
ZOROASTRANISM Shit happens half the time.
CHRISTIAN SCIENCE Shit is in your mind.
EXISTENTIALISM What is shit, anyway?
RASTAFARIANISM Let's smoke this shit.
AGNOSTISM What is this shit?
What is this shit?
I don't know shit.
ATHEISM Sheeit!
I don't believe in shit, therefore, it can't happen to
me.
I don't believe this shit?
No shit.
What is this shit?
Who gives a shit?
You're full of shit.
UU-ISM We are all united in an interdependant web of shit
JEHOVAHS WITNESSES Good Morning, I have some shit for you to read.
SATANISM Shit is good.
1st-law-of-robotics-ism Robots can not shit or let shit come to happen.
Albert Einsteinianism God does not play shit with the universe.
Americanism Who gives a shit?
Analism I want to see where shit comes from.
Archimedesm If I had a lever that's long enough, and a place to
stand, I can move the earth -- even if it is full of
shit.
BBSism I CTRL-C the shit.
Baptism You are shitting all wrong, and you'll be punished for
it.
Bart Simpsonism Don't have a shit, man.
Buddhism If shit happens, it really isn't shit.
Only he who totally gives up the desire for shit will
have salvation.
Bushism Read my lips, no new shit.
This shit wouldn't be prudent.
Calvinism Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Capitalism The more you work, the more you don't have to take
shit.
Catholicism If shit happens, you deserved it.
Shit happens to you because you are BAD.
Christian Science Shit is in your mind.
Common experience What is this shit?
Communism Everyone's shit is everyone else's shit
Computerism Why won't this shit work?
Confucianism Confucius says, "Shit happens."
Cray-XI Processing this shit for the 10 Zillionth and 1st
time...
Creationism ... And the Lord said "Let there be shit" ... and there
came piles of it. After six days of this shit, He
rested.
Darwinism This shit evolved.
Deism Something, somewhere, created all this shit
Descartes-ism I think, therefore I shit
E. Schrodingerism There's a 50% chance that shit happened. And a 50%
chance that it didn't.
Egocentrism I made all this shit
Environmentalism Recycle this shit.
Save The Shit!
Existentialism Knowing that the world is shit makes it no longer shit.
Shit doesn't happen; shit is.
The burden of shit.
What is shit?
F. Nietzche-ism If shit had never happened, man would create shit.
Galileo-ism They say shit isn't happening. Nevertheless it still
happens.
Gaianism Where all a part of the same piece of shit.
HAL Dr. Chandra, will I shit?
Hare Krishna Shit happens shit happens shit shit happens happens
rama rama.
Hawaiian This is just some more shit happening.
Hedonism There is nothing like a good shit happening.
Hinduism This shit happened before.
This shit is not a religion. It is a Way of Life.
Idealism I can handle this shit.
Islam It is the will of Allah that shit happens.
Judaism Why does this shit always happen to us?
Kennedy-ism Ask not what your country's shit can do for you, but
what your shit can do for your country.
Martin L. King I have a shit...
Marvin Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and I can't even
shit.
Materialism Whoever dies with the most shit wins.
McCarthy-ism Are you now, or have you ever been, a shit?
Mikhail Gorbachev Let's keep this shit from falling apart!
Moonies Only happy shit really happens.
Mormonism I don't know what to think about this shit happening
until I'm told.
Hey, there's more shit over here!
This shit is going to happen again.
Nancy Reagan Just say, `Shit happens.'
Native American This shit is sacred when it happens.
Neil Armstrong This is one small shit for me, but a giant heap for
mankind.
New Age Why did I happen to create this shit?
This isn't shit if I REALLY believe it's chocolate.
Newtonism One day I was sitting below an apple tree, and
suddenly, shit hit me.
Nixonism I am not a shit.
Objectivism Shit=Shit
Optimism This shit, too, will pass.
Paranoiaism Shit happens because it's a plot.
Pascalism We are just shit. But we are thinking shit.
Patriotism My shit, right or wrong.
Pessimism There will be more shit.
Politically Correctism Don't call it shit. It's not nice. Call it
Nutritionally Deprived Output.
Politicism (In office) I recall no shit happening.
(election time) Shit happens to my opponent.
(retired) We all knew shit happened.
Positive thinkingism Shit is what you make it.
Predictionism The shit is going to hit the fan.
Protestantism Shit won't happen if I work harder.
Let this shit happen to someone else.
Psychologism I can help you in dealing with this shit.
Rastafarian Can you smoke this happenin' shit?
Let's smoke this shit!
Reaganism I don't remember shit.
I don't recall if shit happened.
Realism I think I need to take a shit.
Life is shit.
Republicanism When shit happens, raise the taxes.
Saddam-Husseinism This shit will be the mother of all shit.
Satanism Shit spreads like fire.
Scientology Do you believe this shit?!?
Seventh Day Adventist No shit on Saturdays.
Shakespeare To shit or Not to shit, that is the question.
Shi'ite Moslem When Shi'ite happens, kill Salman Rushdie.
Socrates I am shit. But I know I am shit.
Star Trekism To boldly shit where no one has shit before.
Stoicism This shit is good for me.
Sturgeon 90% of everything is shit.
Taoism Shit happens.
Televangalism Your tax-deductible donation could stop this shit from
happening.
Unix Shit Happened. Core dumped.
VMS Want to make shit happen? No Privilege for Attempted
Operation.
Wesley Crusher Hey, how come I never get to shit?
Wimpishism Aw, SHOOT!
Zen What is the sound of shit happening?
Zoroastrianism Shit happens half the time.
MORMONISM I *told* you this Shit would happen.
